Yesterdeay was my Dad’s 84th birthday.  I decided to surprise him since I’m going to  be on the east coast for a conference anyway.  I figured I’d rent a car, drive up to NY from DC and show up on his doorstep with a big red bow on my head – tah dah!

Then I got an even MORE brilliant idea and decided to go beyond just the surprise and add some suspense.  I called him before I left, told him that I’d found him the perfect present and to make sure to be home on the big day so he wouldn’t miss the mailman. 

I later discovered there were two major flaws in my plan:

1.)  I am The World’s 2nd Worst Gift Giver (Dad is #1).  I never get anyone birthday presents or Christmas presents and I won’t go into my weird, gift-giving panic problem but suffice it to say if you’ve never gotten anything from me you’re not alone, and if you have it’s probably the only time you ever will.   Leaving a message on Dad’s machine telling him I’m sending him a birthday present is like calling to say we’re having hula hoops for breakfast.

2.) Dad is 84 = Dad is not so much a sharp guy any more.  This combined with the afore-mentioned present problem threw him into such a state of confusion that by the time he made sense of it he decided that it all meant that (drum roll please):   I’m coming to the east coast to visit him for his birthday.

Doop.  De doo.

I didn’t want to attempt re-explaining my lame lie only to show up at his house and make him really think he was losing his mind, so I just  let it go.

We ended up getting the whole family together at my brother’s house and threw him a big ole party that was really fun until my niece fell down the steps and got a lump on her head that stuck out like a pinecone. 

Note to self:  Dad is surprised every morning he wakes up.  He doesn’t need your help.

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